my best friend is up in the clouds. it only hit me when i called his cell tonight after work. it just kept ringing. so, i called his house. nobody was home. the message machine that once had the adorable greeting of “hi, you’ve reached six eight seven two three eight eight, the home of sherry- daren- aaron- ryan- and ashley. we’re sorry we’re not able to take your call right now. please leave a message. thank you” was now replaced with an automated voice. i couldn’t help but think of the history that led up to that that automated voice. a couple tears fogged my vision, without blinking- water slid down my cheeks. i wiped my tears immediatley after they were exposed. and headed out. i mean- i’ve got friends, i’ve got fantastic friends. yet somehow i made my mum cry by verbalizing that she was my only actual friend as of late. not that she did- but regardless i told her not to take what i had said in a negative way, because i do sincerely enjoy her company. still. i elaborated- “it’s just that awful moment you realized you’re alone..” i mean- i’ve got friends, i’ve got fantastic friends. that’s not the issue. it’s realizing that you’ve lost track of your best bud. it’s understanding that people move on. it’s respecting that people move on. it’s accepting that the boy who drove you mad- will likely continue to drive you mad. when you question your current relationship, because aside from your recent internal doubt. your own family makes a daily point of exercising that they don’t approve. it’s that moment you take in to consideration, he’s never actually made you smile. i turn nineteen in about a week or so. i’ve got my own tattoo studio, i seem to be in the right direction. i plan on getting my business degree this coming september. i’m terrified. at least i’m feeling something. anyway, my mum’s pretty fucking awesome. i’m off to eat my feelings- i mean, have some dinner.
okay, sorry for babbling.
“you’re awesome” “i miss you” “you’re amazing” “you’re beautiful” thanks, but can we actually talk about something?